Tuesday, August 21, 2007

NO! My bell. My turn!

My TURN!!!! Well it was my turn last time but Aerin is a skunk and budged. Hi, I’m Drew Jean, but everyone calls D.J. I’m the special ½. I came to the lab about the same time as Taylor did, but unlike that sheep I like to play. I love to play Chinese checkers with the labmates but sometimes I get in trouble. You see I love to gnaw on things because of my braces but then they get stuck on things. So I ruin some stuff. But I think that is what makes me fit so well in the lab.

I came to the lab to help the underling Mikey. He needed lots of help. But he scared me because he put me in a plastic bag and took me to the basement. He showed me where he made boobies. It was scary and I think Mikey needed to get out more. Meet some girls that had right boobs too. So Erin let me hang with her. She had issues too but graduate school issues. She wasn’t making boy parts in the basement.

Erin gave me a really supper gift. It was a bell. It was attached to a really pretty pink balloon. I love my bell, its rings loudly. But others don’t think it was as great. They stole my bell. Erin tried to wrestle it back but she didn’t get it. She tried though.

Erin took me to Georgia with Jesse and Sheepy. It is warm and there are lots of fires. But I didn’t do it! It wasn’t me. But then Erin got my bell back. And I play with it all day. I want to be a great soccer player when I grow up. I miss the other sheep. But we are internet savy because we watched the students in the lab so much. So when Erin is off working I play with my bell and talk to my sheep friends.

Okay, time to practice my banana kicks. Bing!!!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Hmm, Antichrist...That could be interesting

I wanna be anarchy !

No dogs buddy

Wow! I just love that song and as you all know it may just be the perfect anthem for my life. I just love how a song can tell your life story so simply. FRT music is so unbelievably liberating, unlike Justin whose always bringing things down. FYI I'm Aerin, number 3, and hold the wonderful distinction of joining the flock through the only proper means. All the rest of you are just pretenders. I joined the flock when Justin purchased his new mattress. The store owner warned me this was a weird one, and he couldn't have hit it more on. The store owner didn't even know half the story, didn't know I'd have to deal with that old fart Taylor and all those incessant philosophical ramblings (I've give you philosophy...right up your ass), that freak of a mutt Alex (what dog does C++), oh let's not forget Preston (hmm, probably shouldn't go there P911, you don't want to hear those stories anyhow).

So we've heard Taylor's version of life on the great condo along the yellow brick road. Yeah yeah, wrong state I know...I just really like flying monkeys and this is my story damn it, I'll tell it how it is. So here is the real 411 on life. I sit in the corner, crank up some good punk rock and wait for the world to end. Really what else is there to do in life. Oh I know I could listen to the pompous blow hard Taylor tell about some new discovery from the writings of Nietzsche, OMGYG2BK. Hey at least he doesn't mispronounce it like that buffoon in The History Boys, wonderful movie btw. Yeah well like I said, RME, give me my music and just leave me be. Oh but if you could, drop off some cookies or brownies before you leave.

SOT LY. Back to my music, can you guess which song?


Thursday, August 9, 2007

If I Have To!!

Well quite the shenanigans going on around here. It's a good thing I'm stepping in to bring a modicum of decorum back to this blog. Now for those boring but pertinent details I'm Taylor, #100, and reside in Iowa with Justin. As you may have noticed from my picture I'm an avid reader, I was a little perturbed to be bothered for the photo mind you but I tried to smile. Maybe if they give me permission I'll share some of my worldly thoughts and philosophies with you. It might be too grown up for this blog though, since philosophizing isn't exactly prowling.

So what is it that goes here, oh yeah my birth into the flock story. Well I don't know what those crazy homo sapiens had going through their minds, but I was quite happy back on the farm. Serta had finally developed some useful mattresses and put all us sheep out of work. Oh glorious day, I got to sit and read the great philosophers all day. Then one afternoon the caretaker came wandering my way and next thing I wake up on a metal table under some bright florescent lights. Boy did I think I was a goner, figured they were going to harvest my kidneys for the black market and leave me to die in a bathtub full of ice. Now to think, all I can do is dream for such fortunate circumstances. You see I woke up in their research lab; the most despicable of places. Under the guise of NASA funded research those brainless nitwits played Chinese checkers all day long. Ok, so maybe I'm a little harsh they did all graduate so they must have worked at some point, but as much wool as there was flying around that lab they could have just as easily pulled the wool over their advisor's eyes. Anyhow, I was quite petrified in the lab and more than happy to sit in my little corner on my pillow where it was clean and safe. No trips to exotic locals for me. DJ kept mumbling about some boob factory, but then again I never understood that poor thing.

Like I foreshadowed a large portion of the lab graduated and I was free. Well at least free to go home with Justin. He has a nice home, not sure I agree with the color choices but the green does help me feel at home sometimes. Even better it doesn't have cow patty spots, never understood how those creatures live with themselves. Back to the home life story, he even bought me a fun toy. This dog Alex, which is so fun to train. You should see how I taught him to play with Aerin, oooh even better was the time he played with DJ. We'll save that for another day. So yeah I find ways to amuse myself during the day, and occasionally break into the book shelves and find something to read. Its hard with all the smut magazines around here, but I manage to keep the mind nimble.

So my adventures or travels. Well so far I have talked my way out of most trips. Listen if you ever heard the stories about Justin's trips through the airports you wouldn't want to fly with him either. I don't care how much fun it is getting frisked. I hear in the near future we get to go to a cabin and hide away from society. Sounds glorious to me. I'll more than happily go along on that trip. In the mean time I'll try to forget those frightening stories of his travels and try to accompany him on a trip.

Well I'd say it again but really how many times can you hear it. Plus if you've really been reading this entry you know that I probably could care less. So have a good day and for gosh sakes read something informative. Hint, if its the news or about politics I bet its all lies.


Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Cuddle Buddy

My turn! Okay, I'm Jesse number 44. And I currently live with Erin, Chris, and D.J. (who will be coming to the blog soon). I go by many nicknames but mainly Drooley. Despite popular belief I don't drool. Not even when you stick your fingers in my nose. Which I hate! I mean really, I wouldn't be able to live with Erin if I constantly had facial liquids seeping out. But I didn't always live with Erin. No I used to live in the lab. Now how did I get there…

Hmmm….well the story goes like this. I think. This is what I heard at least. If you read Chris' blog you will know that Erin went on a research trip. Unfortunately Erin was not the only one on these trips and she had to go several times. Sometimes at night she mumbles something about the stress and the horror. She really still won't tell me the story. I just know that I end up being slept on when those dreams come back. I can add from first hand experience that the lab was a stressful environment too (Back to the nose poking thing). So you get the idea, all this stress floating around and only one Chris holding therapy sessions, just not enough for all the graduate students. This is how I enter the picture. I brought the students back to their elementary years by providing a cuddle corner. I weigh in at 9 lbs and am 4 ft tall. Now don't get me wrong, but I'm not big boned...a hex on the next person who tries to imply such. I am fluffy and damn proud of it. So as you can imagine I was the perfect for lab students to cuddle with in the corner while rocking back in forth in the fetal position.

That's right they purchased me directly from the Serta website to be the cuddle buddy for any crazed grad student that needed to go to the corner. I even had my own office and door for a while. It's good that I was in the lab, from first hoof experience I found out that students cannot cuddle with each other. It just does not work out. The cuddling turns rather physically violent and usually involves wrestling for DJ's bell. Somehow the students managed to do this without their adviser ever walking in, especially when he was giving tours to the dean from competing schools. If that's not trauma enough for you, their other stress relief involved breaking down cubical walls...my office was so pretty and they just took it away. I'll spare you the horrors they subjected those plants to...its too gruesome for even Stephen King. So in the end was can all say it was wonderful that I came to the rescue.

I also pulled the night shift as lab watch sheep. My best accomplishment was scaring off the tours. Who thought an incessantly staring sheep would scare people so. I must share that information with my co-conspirators back on the "farm." My favorite part of the night shift was becoming great friends with the janitorial staff. I was so honored when Adam came to show me his snazzy new sneakers. Way to go bro! Best of all I got to rat on the students in the lab and tell the janitors who made all the messes...it was never me of course.

But alas the grad students eventually graduated. Well at least some of them. And Erin, who is by far the most deranged human I have ever met, took me with her to Georgia. She obviously needed me the most. O…I think I hear her now. Better fluff my tummy in preparation of getting squeezed. Thanks for reading. Talk to you later!

Saturday, August 4, 2007

The Granddaddy...sorry Grandmaster

Welcome readers. I am proud to be the first sheep to introduce the blog to the world. I am very proud of my efforts in recruiting a complete therapy team that has successfully graduated 4 masters students in engineering. Hopefully these numbers will be added to as we have some underlings (is that what you call human children...I get bogged down in all their silly terms) still rising through the ranks. We may even get some higher degrees as a couple of our students can't learn when to say no and continue to further their education.

So what's my story you say...yeah yeah I'll get there, just hold on to your knickers

Well the most important detail of all, I'm number 15 and my complete name is Chris Mac. But you can call me Sheepy. None of the other sheep have graduated sufficiently in their therapy skills to earn a last name. As the narrator suggested the group consists of 1.5 sheep that were adopted through the standard mattress purchase program. Well I have the fortune of being the .5 of a sheep adopted in this manner. You see the homo sapien Chris Mac had a roommate that purchased a Serta mattress and was fortunate enough to adopt me in the process. I learned many wonderful therapy skills living with her, but once she graduated and moved onto the real world she thought she no longer needed me. Little did she know that she would be calling me late at night requesting my help...which of course I always talk her through her problems. (Sorry for those phone bills, I really shouldn't have blamed DJ for them should I have...I still contend that he's responsible for the 900 numbers though)

So my original adopter moves and gives me to her roommate Chris. Chris was getting ready to move as well and decides to have a yard sale. Chris wasn't always one of the brighter ones...he was trying to sell me after all...and planned his yard sale the same weekend as the great move out in their college town. So only one person came to the yard sale and purchased something. That person was Erin and in return for coming and buying, Chris gave her me as a gift.

You see this Erin was in desperate need of my services. In a total of 6 years she earned two bachelors degrees and a masters degree. Oh and talk about a temper...during some our less fruitful initial therapy sessions I often found myself hurled football style across the apartment towards the roommate. My butt still smarts from some of those impacts, but alas I love Erin. Things started to calm down and we were making therapy progress but then she had to travel for some silly research project. Erin left me to be sheep sat by her faithful research companion Justin. I have to eat and Erin was worried that her roommate would retaliate for all the times my butt came flying at her face. It seems that Justin is a little dense though and missed the memo. Instead I was sheep napped and spent a wondrous week with Jamie, who eventually came to join us in our research fun. During this week Jamie and I had a blast and she realized how much she needed a sheep like me. Which was great until Erin came back and I was almost torn into two. It was decided that I wasn't enough sheep for everyone's issues. They had a LOT of problems. This is how my therapy practice developed beyond myself and into its current (well still evolving) final form.

I still happy reside with Erin and the two other sheep in our immediate family. We have many fun adventures together. My favorite has always been flying. I don't know what it is about the experience but something about the wind beneath my wings just gets me soaring. Or maybe it's really getting frisked by the security guards; sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.

Once again I thank you for reading our blog. Please comment and enjoy our upcoming entries. Should you be a sheep and reading this, or other therapy animal (we try to be diverse after all), please send us your stories (sheep.4225sc@gmail.com). We will gladly add them to our blog or if you have a blog of your experiences we'll link to you. After all it's all about getting the homo sapiens through life, and we all know its no easy process.

The Loving Grandmaster Sheep,

Chris 'Sheepy' Mac